Ok...so I've had a really bad morning and need to vent. My daughter has had the hardest time with making it to the potty for the last couple weeks. Honestly, she has had an accident every single day - some days 2 or 3 accidents - for 2 dang weeks. I am SO frustrated I can't even explain it. And like I've said before, it is ALWAYS poop...she does great making it when she pees, but for some reason, I wish I knew, she has a hard time making it to the bathroom when she poops. Of course, she has had a few pee accidents lately too...but only twice, and one was when we were up at Grandma's house, and her uncle scared her and started chasing her...and I guess she didn't expect that and she peed her pants. It was actually kind of funny, but still sucks cleaning up the mess. I feel so bad too, because she always asks me if I'm mad at her when she has an accident. I NEVER yell at her or say I'm mad when she does have accidents, because I worry that it will just cause more accidents. So I've tried really hard to keep a straight face and get her cleaned up and say 'it's ok honey' etc. But it still breaks my heart when she asks me if I'm mad at her.
However...today, I was extremely mad at her! She goes waddling into the bathroom and says she pooped in her pants, so I told her to start cleaning it up, etc. So a little while later, after Cole woke up from his nap, we were getting shoes and coats on to run some errands, and Cole had a poopy diaper. I got him all changed, threw it away and washed my hands, and came back into the front room to get my keys and go...and I could still smell poop. I checked Cole's bum again thinking maybe he just wasn't finished...but there was nothing there. So I thought maybe some leaked out of his diaper or something and got on his pants, so I kept inspecting him all over but couldn't find anything. But I could still smell it really strongly by him. It was then that I noticed a few little brown 'pebbles' underneath the kitchen table. I was really hoping it was just a few Cocoa Pebbles left from breakfast that I must have missed when I had cleaned up...but I wasn't that lucky. Yeah, get your barf bag out now...it's gonna get worse. Then I remembered that when I came out of the bathroom after washing my hands and throwing Cole's dirty diaper away, that he had been playing underneath the table...and now I noticed brown on his fingers and under his fingernails...then on the edges of his mouth...and yep...on his teeth. I smelled his breath and realized that that was where I could smell the poop...from his mouth. I am dry-heaving now just thinking about it!! I scrubbed that poor kids mouth out and brushed his teeth the best I could...and lysoled the crap out of his hands...literally. I am so disgusted I can't even explain it. This is the most disgusting, foul, repulsive thing that I have ever seen.
So now that I've made everyone sick...I need some serious help or advice or something. I don't know what to do with Malia. Honestly, it seems to be getting worse, not better...and she's 3 1/2. She's been doing this for over a year. I know she knows how to do it and I just don't understand why. I've tried to not make a big deal out of it so that she isn't getting attention for it when she does...so what is the #$%(@ deal?? Seriously, what have I don't wrong in the whole potty training process that over a year later she still has accidents every stinkin' day? At least lately anyway...but even when she's doing good, it's still a couple times a week. I have given up today cuz I was so upset. I told her she's going back to diapers cuz I just can't to deal with it anymore. She would be kicked out of preschool if she were doing this there, but luckily it's never at school...so far anyway. I have tried every dang thing I can think of...rewards, stickers, etc and it obviously hasn't worked. I just don't get it. So please! Anything anyone could tell me would be much appreciated!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
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8 comments:
Maybe stick her back in a diaper. I bet she would hate it. At least you wouldn't have to clean her up as much!
I would just put her back in Pull ups or diapers and just see how she handles it. Than just reward or praise her when she remembers when to go and does not have an accident in her diaper. She will get it, but don't stress yourself trying to make it happen So you don't have anymore cocoa pebble accidents!! OOOPPS!
Sorry Jen, that sucks!! I would also put her back into diapers..it will save you a BIG hassle and won't stress you out. If she hates diapers, maybe she will make it to the potty. Hang in there:)
I wish I could give good advice, but like the others, I would just do diapers. I am so sorry for the poop incident, that is so gross.
Have you talked to her Dr. about it? Maybe he/she has some good advice.
Good luck.
Hey Jen...I think Malila is just trying to figure out her place in life. She is such a beautiful little independent girl. Gentle persuasion and a TON OF LOVE will do the trick. Sounds like she just wants to make sure she is loved no mater what she does. If she knows that you love her just because she is yours and not because of what she does then she will do better. It is a tricky thing. You want to make sure your kids know you are proud when they do something good but there in lies the trick. If they think you only like it when they do good then deep inside of them when they do ‘bad’ things they will think you don’t love them. I tell you this from experience. My parents always thought I was perfect…well I knew I was not. That was very painful and a ton of pressure for me. JUST love her! I love you guys...just don't put so much pressure on yourself. You are a great mother!
I think she is still young enough that it is normal to go back to having accidents. I remember reading that it happens. I think you are doing the right thing. Getting made makes it worse. Just soak in the good things. She is the cutest girl I've seen. In 2 years there will be no more accidents but there will be less innocent cuteness. Good and bad at every age.
Hi Jen! Elliot had a difficult time going poop, too. I had tried everything like you seem to have done and have a couple of suggestions you may not have considered. (Of course, you may have already considered them and, if so, I'm sorry to repeat . . .)
Is Malia afraid of the toilet? It turned out that Elliot was initially. Once I figured that out, I brainstormed to find a way to help him feel relaxed on the toilet. Since we rarely let Elliot watch movies, letting him sit on the toilet to watch a five min Winnie the Pooh episode (on our portable DVD player) provided enough incentive to get him over his fear. We did this for about a month and then phased it out. So if Malia's afraid, perhaps you could find a way to help it be fun in the bathroom for her.
Once Elliot was happier on the toilet, he began getting lazy and would just poop in his underwear because it was too much work for him to go on the toilet. At this point I had to find a way to incentivize him enough (Elliot would've LOVED to go back to diapers if I had let him. He could have cared less to sit in his poop or potty. I let him select a toy he wanted (that had lots of components to it). We kept it out on the table as an incentive for him to see often, and we let him know we'd take it back to the store if he hadn't pooped in the toilet after a week or so. It worked for us. After he went poop, I let him choose ONE of the toys in the set (it was a Little People set, so it worked well since it had so many parts) and continued to do so each time he went poop. Candy and stickers and promises to buy something AFTER he had done it never worked, but having something to see every day that he really wanted proved effective.
We still had accidents now and then, but at least Elliot was trying. Since having him poop in the toilet was more important for me than the fact that I was bribing him, we bought a few more toys for him to work for until everything was resolved. And it has.
Good luck! It's so hard and frustrating, but I think if you can pinpoint the reason why Malia has such a hard time wanting to go in the toilet, you'll be able to think of a way to coax her into doing what she needs to do.
I'll bet she's just a little nervous about moving. The first thing your pediatrician would ask is if there have been any big changes in her life lately. She just need lots of love and attention and security. Once she adjusts she should be fine. Try to make the move as predictable and exciting as possible. Take her to fun parks or other places in the area. Let her help you decorate her room and help you decide where to put things in the house as you unpack.
One other thing that someone suggested with Mason (it worked great)was a cool shower to clean him up. Not freezing, but just cold enough to be uncomfortable. Then it wasn't me punishing or showing dissapointment in him, it was just a natural consequence of his actions. I just sympathized and told him there wasn't time to wait for the water to heat up - we needed to get him cleaned so he wouldn't get itchy or sore.
Good luck!
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